This isn't a religion or faith article. I haven't gone pious. But I has been my observation in life that a great many people follow a life philosophy that says quote "If it's meant to be it will be, if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be in the first place."
Fatalistic? Faithalistic? Practical?
There is some truth and reality to the concept that sometimes no matter how hard you try it just doesn't happen for you. Whatever "it" is. In fact, sometimes it's argued that you may be trying too hard and need to ease back a little. Relationships are a common source for this.
But if you don't try then you certainly won't succeed at whatever you are attempting. Even with great effort you still may not succeed but if you don't try you definitely won't!
Imagine someone says they dream of one day climbing to the top of Mount Everest. Great goal! Now I ask them what are they doing to move that forward? Are they engaged in a physical training program? A mountain climbing training program? Do they know all the equipment they will need to bring? Have they looked into a guide service? Travel arrangements? Inoculations and travel papers needed? If they have at least done some of this then I'd say they are trying to some extent at least.
But if they say no but it's still their dream then to me they are just day dreaming. Nothing wrong with that per se. But don't hold it against the world when you don't get to Everest! Day dreaming won't do it for you.
Same with a relationship. When I was young and single I met many whose attitude was "If it's meant to be it will be" when it came to dating and a relationship. I also agree to an extent. I too have suffered the pains of meeting someone who you think at the time is the person of your dreams but no matter what you try it doesn't work out. The only recourse is to say they really weren't the person you thought them to be. But, what did you do to try to make it happen? A relationship takes time and effort. In school it's easier because you may share classes and events with someone you're interested in and so you have a ready excuse to be with them to some extent already. But when you're done with school a relationship takes time. You're working, you have other interests, family obligations, the unknown, etc. It takes time to be with someone, to get to really know them (speed dating is lust at best, bullshit at the most!) although the latter is a skill sorely lacking in many social settings anyway but that's for another time. My point is that if I'm going to put in the time and effort to meet with someone I expect a similar level of effort on their part.
And that is the crux of my aversion to this whole "If it's meant to be" crap.
Very few things just happen!
It takes an active role on your part to try to make it happen. I say "try" because there is no guarantee. But the only guarantee is if you don't try it definitely will not happen.
As another old saying goes: "People don't plan to fail, they just fail to plan."
Plan – and carry through!
Fatalistic? Faithalistic? Practical?
There is some truth and reality to the concept that sometimes no matter how hard you try it just doesn't happen for you. Whatever "it" is. In fact, sometimes it's argued that you may be trying too hard and need to ease back a little. Relationships are a common source for this.
But if you don't try then you certainly won't succeed at whatever you are attempting. Even with great effort you still may not succeed but if you don't try you definitely won't!
Imagine someone says they dream of one day climbing to the top of Mount Everest. Great goal! Now I ask them what are they doing to move that forward? Are they engaged in a physical training program? A mountain climbing training program? Do they know all the equipment they will need to bring? Have they looked into a guide service? Travel arrangements? Inoculations and travel papers needed? If they have at least done some of this then I'd say they are trying to some extent at least.
But if they say no but it's still their dream then to me they are just day dreaming. Nothing wrong with that per se. But don't hold it against the world when you don't get to Everest! Day dreaming won't do it for you.
Same with a relationship. When I was young and single I met many whose attitude was "If it's meant to be it will be" when it came to dating and a relationship. I also agree to an extent. I too have suffered the pains of meeting someone who you think at the time is the person of your dreams but no matter what you try it doesn't work out. The only recourse is to say they really weren't the person you thought them to be. But, what did you do to try to make it happen? A relationship takes time and effort. In school it's easier because you may share classes and events with someone you're interested in and so you have a ready excuse to be with them to some extent already. But when you're done with school a relationship takes time. You're working, you have other interests, family obligations, the unknown, etc. It takes time to be with someone, to get to really know them (speed dating is lust at best, bullshit at the most!) although the latter is a skill sorely lacking in many social settings anyway but that's for another time. My point is that if I'm going to put in the time and effort to meet with someone I expect a similar level of effort on their part.
And that is the crux of my aversion to this whole "If it's meant to be" crap.
Very few things just happen!
It takes an active role on your part to try to make it happen. I say "try" because there is no guarantee. But the only guarantee is if you don't try it definitely will not happen.
As another old saying goes: "People don't plan to fail, they just fail to plan."
Plan – and carry through!
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